Last June 3-5, we met and spent the most memorable times of our lives together, thinking nothing, worrying about nothing, just feeling the REAL HAPPINESS we both dreamt of. As hours go by so quickly, I felt I don’t wanna be apart from you again, I want to be with you for the rest of my life despite the bitter reality that we’re both in right now. Those days have remarkably been one of my happiest moments – you and me together, talking about how things have went by and how lucky we are to be given this chance in a lifetime to with each other again. I cherished every single moment I am near you, every single moment you’re holding my hands, every single moment you’re looking at me and telling me that I’ve been on your mind always.

I want to make believe that “YOU and I” can be “US” and I don’t care about the difficulties we might encounter along the way, but what we’re doing is wrong. YOU have your own life – THEY love you so much and THEY need you; I have mine – feeling rejected and dumped. Our lives have been under the twists and turns of FATE – we don’t know why we ever met again after such a long time. We might have just been given the opportunity to finish off and end what has started between us.

I’ve been thinking of this DECISION for a hundred times already. I love you so much (you know I do) but it might be too late for us already. I don’t want to ruin the future of your family, especially your kid, I don’t want her ending up with a broken family and you separated from them just because of ME. I know how it feels to be treated the way you’re dealing now with her — it hurts so much for a woman who deeply loved her partner.

I owe you a sincere apology and forgiveness for what I’ve done. You already proved what you can do for me but here I am, still confused and now TOTALLY GIVING UP ON US. I know you’ll be finding your happiness soon and you’ll come to take this only as one of your dreams that after you woke up, you realized that it can never be real.

We both have to move on with our separate paths and let’s accept the fact that We’re NOT meant to be and WILL NEVER BE…. Maybe on next life!

After being stranded in the office for almost 3 hours due to typhoon Santi, I rushed to Silang, Cavite to meet my boyfriend who’s gonna accompany me in finding a house to rent in Dasma. I arrived there around 9:30 am and we immediately headed back to Dasma to save time. We ate first in his fave fastfood after a long queue in BPI atm booth to withdraw cash.

11:00 am. We reached Golden City and started roaming around in anticipation that we can find “house for rent” tags. Fortunately, we really found few choices and decided that he will be moving in ASAP. I still have no plan to do so as I haven’t made any formal notice to my brother whom I’m previously living with. Heavy rain poured about 3:30 pm and we stayed for a while in one of his friends’ house to rest and also to let the rain pass by. As the sun again rises, he decided that I must go home already as I haven’t taken any sleep yet since the other night. I agreed to his suggestion and he accompanied me to Alabang. I asked him if he can bring me home, and yes, with no hesitation, he did.

This is the climax. On our way home, I received a message from my brother that they had trouble at home and that I need to move out. That was a big surprise! I didn’t think that this could happen this abrupt. So once I arrived, I packed my things  but I wasn’t able to leave that night. We haven’t finalize the house that we would rent and I haven’t have any rest as well. It will be too hard for me to travel, plus add the fact that there’s no power supply.

Sunday afternoon, my boyfriend came to get my things as I finally decided to move out. It was around 3pm when we arrived in Dasma, we unpacked things, took a little rest and proceeded to SM to buy the necessary things that we need to have. We arrived at our ‘new home’ at 7:30pm, ate dinner and finally get our rest.

It has been a long and tiring weekend, physically, mentally and emotionally. I am now embracing a new chapter of my life, facing more challenges as I start to manage my own life.

I know I can handle this, my boyfriend is there and I know he will stay all the way. God bless us!

“No one is allowed to go out of the building unless it’s safe to go home! It’s an order from Ian Grist and HR. They are planning out ways on how to bring in foods in the office.”

Whew! What a news. As storm Santi wildly plunges all over Luzon, we have to stay inside the building premises to avoid further damages. After a night of usual office works, we have to adhere to the company rule mandated by the top management, of course, this is simply for our safety. No one wants to risk his/her life in the open just for the sake of going home.

As I stare outside the glass window from the 11th floor of the Paragon Building here in Madrigal, Alabang, I can the strong wind hits everything it passes by, the trees are swaying as if they were dancing in a non-stop beat, the rain constantly pours as if it’s gonna end. Some of the places already went out of electricity as one of the precautions that have to be followed for safety purposes. It’s another day of survival.

Some of my officemates tried to get out of the building to put their cars in safer areas but they were controlled by guards since the danger outside can’t really be forecasted.

I was being teased by my closed friends that I should be the last to get out of the office because I might be flown away outside (they think that I’m too thin, hahaha).

I am about to look for a house in cavite where I’ll be moving in soon but I decided to cancel it. I have no way to travel and still waiting for further notice if we’ll be provided with shuttles so that we can go home safely.

We’ll this is a way of life, we don’t have to take chances if they can mean our lives.

I just hope that the storm will soon calm down and a sun will shine before noon. We need to go home, we need to rest!

I’m caught in the middle of storm.

Why he can’t give me any importance when I know he’s my life?

Why can’t I sleep at night wondering how I can turn things out right when he soundly sleeps?

Why do I always push myself to its limits when he’s not even doing any effort to reach out?

Why can’t I allow myself to be happy knowing that he’s enjoying his life without me?

Why can’t I respect myself and give it what it deserves?

Is there anything left of me? Am I dashing toward my own ruins?

Why can’t I accept the truth?

Why do I always keep running from the truth?

Why he can’t understand?

Why he can’t be true?

At some point, LIFE is IRONIC. The more you want to make things happen, the less chance you have to get them.

This is how ironic my life is… Until when can I endure this?

*Flexible in many realms of LIFE.

Whether picking up on the nuances of musical concerto, appreciating the subtle details in a work of art, or seeing the world from a different perspective, right-brained people are creative, imaginative, and attuned to their surroundings

*Thinking process is boundless.

Some people think of you as messier than others. It’s not that you’re disorganized, it’s just that you might use different systems to organize (by theme, by subject, by color). Straight alphabetization and rigidly ordered folders are not typical of right-brained behavior. 

*More intuitive than many.

When it comes to reading literature, prefers creative writing or fiction over nonfiction. And when it comes to doing math, finds geometry more enjoyable than other forms like algebra.

I LOVE SWEET NOTHINGS

From sappy nicknames to inside jokes, whispering words of love is the best thing I enjoy. (Well, maybe the second-best thing). Sharp as a tack, I’m fond of the meaningful, deeper things in life as well as in love. I don’t hesitate to get hot and heavy with my sweetie; I’m just not the type to make a big deal about it.

I’M MARRIED TO MY JOB, WORKAHOLIC

Slow down, take a deep breath, and RELAX! These are the words that I need to tell myself.

I need to take some time out each day for MYSELF.

It’s healthy and necessary. Overworked people often suffers from social and personal life struggles.

I’M ALMOST READY FOR MARRIAGE

My communication with my partner sounds like champs and are total pros at the other Cs: compromise and commitment.

Whether I planned it or not, I just can’t help but follow my feelings when it comes to matters of l’amour. I’m a passionate person who can’t ignore things that fits me to a T — whether it’s that perfect pair of jeans, a good cause, or the love of a lifetime. Sure, things don’t always go according to my plan, but with an irrepressible drive like the one I have, I’m used to it! Living life as a fake just isn’t in the cards for me. I need to open up my arms and embrace what life throws my way — especially if its already the man of my dreams!

I’M A ROMANTIC REALIST

When it comes to relationships, I’m looking for a fairy tale — or something pretty close to it. While I don’t really expect to be whisked away by a prince on a white horse, I probably like the idea of being rescued. I expect great things out of people, especially those I LOVE.

I’M HEART-STRONG ROMANTIC

Along the way, she met a man who became the center of her life. She made all things possible for him, even sacrificed her own wellness just to make everything work out. She has been tested by every circumstance that came across their relationship that in worst event, made her think to give up.

Having the mere idea that she really liked the man and that he is the perfect picture of what she dreamed about, she let fate take control.

As days, months, years swiftly passed away, she is coming to the realization that life isn’t fair for everyone. She said, why are those people who love too much are those who are usually taken for granted? What’s wrong with that? Why can’t that person she cared for so much give the lady her fair share?

There are times that she is just catching herself in deep tears asking for questions that are unanswerable by yes or no, not with explanations. What she needs are actions and definite responses to ease her pain. It’s so hard to keep emotions, anyways. At some point in time, she even thought of ending everything so that she can have the peace of mind. But it was a wrong way out because that would be it, no more chances left.

After thinking over and over again, she came to decide that she must continue what she started, just do what she needs to do and let destiny do its share. After all, she still feels hollow and unnoticed.

Let it be….

Do you know who’s that girl? It’s  ME, the girl in the mirror….